


Aircraft Carriers are Easier

by Vanessa_Cocotea



Category: Doctor Who (TV Movie), Pirates of the Caribbean (Movies)
Genre: Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:04:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanessa_Cocotea/pseuds/Vanessa_Cocotea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for my son's birthday in 2007:</p><p>Captain Jack Sparrow is let loose in the TARDIS. Insanity and baths ensue...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aircraft Carriers are Easier

He woozily tugged open the trap door. There had to be more here. It was the only place left on the island where he'd hidden his main sustenance. Nothing. He lay down on his stomach for a better look. Empty. Not one bottle of rum left. He got up and sat back against a tree, completely dazed. How would he survive now? This wasn't happening. He must have forgot a few other hiding places. He jumped up and frantically dashed round tapping tree trunks and parting aside tropical bushes. Nothing. This was it, then. The end of Captain Jack Sparrow.

"Bloody unfair, ain't it, mate?" He told himself, sadly. He was getting very maudlin. Then he heard the weirdest noise he'd ever heard in his life.

********

Grace lay sprawled on the console room sofa. The Doctor hadn't made it that far. He'd collapsed on the floor just beyond the entry steps. They both stared at the overhead scanner and said nothing. Neither had the strength. If they'd had the strength to speak, they might have asked the TARDIS why, in Rassilon's name, she was displaying the inside of the TARDIS wine cellar on the overhead scanner-particularly the rum section. The pair of them just gaped at the sight, thoroughly confused. They were either seeing things and were in serious need of a holiday after their recent harrowing adventure, or the TARDIS had really lost it this time and was in serious need of a complete overhaul!

"What the..?" Grace finally got out. Surely, the TARDIS wasn't suggesting they should get drunk?!?! And why rum? The Doctor was as baffled as Grace. This WAS different! He struggled to rise, but didn't quite make it. He did manage to get himself to the bottom step and sit down. He looked at the TARDIS and yawned.

"What's the matter, old girl? What are you trying to tell us?" He thought for a moment. "Maybe I should check the wine cellar, is that it?" Console lights blinked. "All right." To Grace, he muttered:

"She's never acted like this before. Very strange. I think she needs a rest and a complete check-up." He took off towards the TARDIS wine cellar.

Grace got slowly up. "Wait! I'm coming with you." She caught him just by the console room inner door.

********

Now the Doctor was really confused-and not a little worried. Everything seemed in order. What was with the TARDIS? Grace gave him a "Don't look at me!" expression. He was even more confused when a shopping trolley appeared in front of him.

"What?" He looked towards the ceiling. "You want me to fill this? With what?" Then he remembered the overhead scanner. "Rum. You want me to fill this with rum? All right." He shook his head. The old girl had really gone this time. What was she playing at? Knowing that she could get very touchy, he thought it best to humour her. He and Grace filled the trolley with nearly every bottle of rum in the cellar.

"Now what?" He was starting to enjoy this bizarre little game of the TARDIS's, inspite of his confusion and worry. Grace looked like she was just plain confused. "Well?" The TARDIS "harrumphed" as if to say, "Let me think how to put this!". Then there was a pause, then, in a moment of impishness, lighted arrows appeared on the floor and led out of the cellar doors. The Doctor and Grace looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed. They followed the arrows to the console room to the console, itself. The destination indicator was flashing. It pointed to a deserted island somewhere in the Caribbean.

"You want us to go there?" Lights blinked in answer. "And do what? Perform a rescue?" Lights blinked again. The Doctor chuckled, "Should I ask what all the rum is for? Or don't I want to know? I assume, we're meant to take it to whomever we're rescuing, right?" He was getting an uncomfortable feeling as to who might be on that island. One trolley's worth of rum might not be enough. He just hoped if he wound up bringing that one back to the TARDIS, that he didn't get any further than the console room. Because if he went exploring, Heaven help the TARDIS wine cellar!

Just as they got to the doors, the wine-filled trolley disappeared! The Doctor and Grace gasped! What WAS the TARDIS playing at? They just stared at each other and the TARDIS ceiling for several moments. The Doctor was very worried that his beloved ship was really at the end of her rope!

Grace finally stammered, "What was that all about? Why get us to fill a trolley with nearly every bottle of rum in the cellar, get the trolley just to the door and then make it disappear?" She was beginning to get a little miffed in addition to being confused. The Doctor was lost in thought. He was reviewing the TARDIS's weird behaviour over the last hour or so and trying to decipher it. What could she be trying to say?

"Hmm. Island rescue...rum...majority of the rum in the trolley which then disappears, leaving very few bottles in the cellar. Hmm." He went quiet again. Grace waited impatiently for his explanation for the strange goings on.

"I think it was just her way of protecting the majority of the rum from who's presumably on that island. She's just made it temporarily invisible. That's got to be it. Because if we're meant to rescue whom I think we're rescuing, the wine cellar, especially the rum section, wouldn't survive!" He chuckled. "By leaving just a few bottles in there, a certain pirate won't cause too much damage. Rather insulting, though, to think I wouldn't be able to keep him away from the cellar. The TARDIS clearly knows something I don't about what's going to happen during this rescue. Exciting, isn't it?" He beamed at Grace.

Grace wanted to know why the TARDIS had them fill the trolley when she could have just hidden the bottles herself.

"Oh, that. I think she just wanted us to get up and help. I think she just thought we would sit round on our backsides all day pretending we were more tired than we were. She gets like that." He grinned, the TARDIS groaned and Grace giggled. They went out and, sure enough, not far away, sat Captain Jack Sparrow. Much to the Doctor's, and Grace's, dismay, they heard him drunkenly singing-very drunkenly singing.

********

"...A pirate's...hic! A...pirate's life...hic! A...pirate's...life...for...me...burp!" Captain Jack Sparrow looked at the blue box and pointed at it and weaved and spluttered. Then the door opened and two people came out. A man and a woman. Jack fell over. The Doctor groaned. Grace rolled her eyes. It was a good job the TARDIS had hidden most of the rum. Captain Jack was drunk enough already.

Jack tried to stand again. He just managed it. He looked at the newcomers. "Whoah! Who might you two be?" He weaved his way over to them. He stood right in front of Grace. "Nice to see a female face round these parts. And what's your name, love?" Grace could have smelled his breath from space and his clothes and his body. She hoped this rescue involved getting him into Alcoholics Anonymous or something, but she doubted it. The Doctor interceded.

"I'm the Doctor and this is Grace-my best friend. We've been sent to rescue you." They heard a growl like a giant cat. They looked towards the trees to see a very large cat-somewhere between a panther and a lynx. It had the ears of a lynx and the colour of a panther. It growled again and headed straight for them. They ran towards the TARDIS.

"Come on!" The Doctor cried, but they needed no urging. Jack stopped in front of the TARDIS doors.

"You want me to get into THAT?!". Then he grinned at Grace. "Be kinda cozy, wouldn't it, love?" She glared at him. The Doctor shoved him through the doors. Jack passed out at the sight of the vast console room.

He awoke to find the Doctor crouched next to him. "You all right, now? Relatively speaking, that is. Grace, would you pass me the mug, please? Thanks. Here, Captain, drink this." Jack looked at the mug warily. The Doctor smiled. "It's just coffee. Very strong coffee. You're lucky I had some about the place. I prefer tea." Jack took a tentative sip. It was excellent coffee and indeed very strong. He polished it off and gazed round.

"What...Where am I? I went into a blue box. How'd I get here?"

"I'll explain after you've answered a couple of questions." The Doctor answered. "What sort of cat was that coming after us and how did you get on that island?"

"No idea, mate. Never seen it before. They stole my ship, the "Black Pearl". No, that was my first ship. They stole my new one-whatshername. Strange. Can't remember her name. Old Jack must be drunk." He looked up. "You come to help me find her, mate?"

"That's presumably why we were sent to rescue you. Get you back to your ship, the 'Whatshername'". The Doctor grinned. This was going to be a bundle of fun. The TARDIS had better know something he didn't. How were they going to find Jack's ship, otherwise? But first, before anything, including any explanations, there was something very important that needed to be done. "But firstly...Grace would you help me? I think you know where we need to go." He saw the look on her face. "Just help get him there. I can manage after that." He grinned at her. She took one arm and the Doctor took the other. It was a job as Jack hadn't completely sobered up. He made a dreadful racket the whole way. They got to the door of the nearest bathroom and Grace said, smiling, "I'll leave you two alone, now, okay?" The Doctor shook his head, chuckling.

"Okay. See you in an hour or two." She raised an eyebrow. The Doctor grinned at her. "If I'm lucky." She laughed and left them to it. A few moments later, Captain Jack Sparrow was having his first bath in who knew how long. It was a first for both of them.

In all his lives, the Doctor had never bathed a drunken grown man-or any man for that matter. It was an experience. Especially, once Jack got hold of the Doctor's rubber ducky. He kept plunging it up and down into the bubbles and saying, "Whoopsie-daisies!" Gallons of water poured over the side with each plunge. Of course, Jack was so preoccupied with the duck that he barely noticed the Doctor's ministrations. That is, until the Doctor picked up the handheld shower and rinsed the shampoo out of Jack's hair and Jack found himself with shampoo bubbles flowing down his face.

"Hey! Watch it, mate!" Jack shook his hair, just like a wet dog! The Doctor leaned hurriedly back, nearly dropping the giant bath sponge he was holding in his other hand.

"Careful there, Captain! I may enlist you to help swab the deck!" The Doctor laughed. He was just about as wet as Jack and had ended up stripping down to his boxers. During the course of the bath, the Doctor found himself treated to some of the rudest pirate songs he'd ever heard in his life! Jack had quite a repertoire. Which he insisted on singing at the top of his voice. At least he sang on-key! It was actually quite fun and the Doctor soon found himself joining in-on the songs! He had no desire or intention whatsoever to join Jack in his bath. That notion was quite beyond the pale.

At last the bath was over and Jack stepped out, cleaner than he'd been in ages. The Doctor towel-dried Jack's hair, which the Doctor rather envied. The things Jack could do with it! The Doctor watched as Jack fashioned two slim plaits at each side, leaving the rest of his hair flowing over his shoulders. The Doctor could barely get his own shoulder-length chestnut curls into a decent ponytail. Jack dried off his own body and wrapped the towel round it. His own clothes had pretty much been a lost cause and he gratefully accepted the Doctor's offer of new ones. The TARDIS wardrobe was next on the list. The Doctor was fully prepared for Jack to pass out from shock at the size and sight of it.

********

Whilst the bath was proceeding, Grace had been in the console room, ostensibly to read, but in truth, she had listened to everything that had gone on. She considered herself fairly worldly, but the songs she had heard had her blushing to the roots of her auburn hair! They also made her giggle quite uncontrollably. She was going to have a very hard time of it, keeping a straight face when the two men finally emerged. At first, she wondered why the Doctor would literally give a grown man a bath, then realised the state Jack was in, owing to the enormous amount of booze he'd drunk and the shock of the TARDIS, he probably was too blitzed to do the job properly himself. One mug of coffee had only eased his drunkenness a little bit. From the sounds she heard, it must have been a rare experience for them both!

********

Jack just managed to avoid fainting at the sight of the wardrobe room. "That's some closet, ya got, matey!" He reeled about. "I can just have anything, right?" The Doctor nodded, adding, "That's what it's there for." He smiled. Jack poked him in the chest. "You're a prince, mate! A real prince! Ta!" He strode off, only to return a moment later. "Any idea where I can find a nice Captain's outfit in this vast array?" The Doctor pointed to the fancy dress section. "Ta!" Jack waved and headed towards the indicated area. He emerged some time later. He was totally kitted out as befitted a captain of his exalted status. He'd found the most extraordinary purple velvet pirate coat. He looked as pleased as if he been handed a treasure chest the size of the Caribbean.

"Very impressive, Captain! Shall we go and show Grace? She's probably wondering where we've got to." They left the wardrobe room.

Grace whistled. "Well, well! Don't you look grand? Just dandy." She honestly thought Jack had cleaned up quite nicely. He grinned at her. She looked to the Doctor. "So how do we find his ship-the 'Whatshername'?" She grinned impishly. That joke was going to be old fast! The Doctor was about to answer when a warning light flashed on the console.

"Blast!" He dashed over to check why it was flashing. There was a major repair needed to the directional stabilisers. Perfect. Just perfect.

"Captain? Why don't you have a nice rest while I take care of this. With your help, Grace, it shouldn't take long. There are some great books on the shelves or there are some magazines as well. We'll be done in a jiffy." They disappeared under the console. The reading chair and Jack were in full view and they could hear him moving about. They could keep an eye on him-or so they thought. Grace was helping the Doctor with some wires, when she glanced over to check on Jack. She expected to see him reading. He wasn't reading.

"Doctor?"

"Hm?"

"The bird has flown."

"What?? Oh blast!" He dropped his sonic screwdriver. "The wine cellar. I just know he'll find it! Come on!" The TARDIS let out an extraordinary noise. "All right, you can stop gloating! I'm a terrible babysitter, okay?" The Doctor chuckled. He and Grace left for the wine cellar.

Jack wasn't there. Neither were the three remaining bottles of rum. They looked at each other. Where had the man got to? They started checking rooms. After a good hour, Grace pulled open a door. The beach room.

"There he goes! Jack!" The Doctor called out. Jack kept going-back to the wine cellar, presumably. He presumably wanted to try out some of the other offerings there. The Doctor sprinted across the sand, Grace at his heels. They noted the empty rum bottle carelessly tossed on the sand. One down, two to go. Jack was out the other door before they could catch him.

"Damn!" Grace protested. "He takes more looking after than your average aircraft carrier!"

"I most heartily agree! Still, I'm finding it all rather enjoyable." The Doctor chirped.

"Typical." They ran out the other door, just in time to see Jack disappear through a door well down the corridor.

The Doctor looked at Grace. "The lab?? What's he want in there? Oh, right. The TARDIS is probably changing rooms around again. Oh, dear. This is really going to be fun." He grinned and they took off for the lab.

Grace chuckled. "You do realise that the TARDIS changing rooms around is really going to freak the hell out of him. The wine cellar will be in even more danger."

"Tell me about it." They arrived at the lab. Gone. There was a smashed rum bottle on the floor near the spectrograph. At least he didn't seem to have touched anything. They left by the other door wondering if the TARDIS had suddenly put opposite doors in ALL the rooms! At least there was only one rum bottle left. As they ran towards the wine cellar the Doctor considered what to do with his errant guest when they finally caught him. Put him to bed in one of the bedrooms as he was probably drunk as a lord again. But would he stay there? Just the Doctor's luck, Jack probably sleepwalked. Alternatively, he could ensconce him in the cinema. Jack had certainly never seen a film and he'd probably love the Doctor's 3D copy of "Blackbeard the Pirate" starring Robert Newton. Although, the 3D would most likely freak him out, but still, that was probably the best option.

"Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"What are we going to do with him when we do find him? I'm beginning to think he's too much of a handful for just the two of us." Grace was getting breathless. Even so, she grinned at the Doctor. "Can't we give him a sedative? If we can keep him still long enough, that is!"

The Doctor, never slow on the uptake, groaned. "Oh Grace! Cute. That's cute. But, seriously, I've decided it best to put him in the cinema. He's obviously never seen a film and I think he'll be fascinated by my 3D copy of "Blackbeard the Pirate"."

"3D?!?! You do seem to have a lot of classic films in 3D, Doctor. Where do you find them all?"

"I have no idea. They just seem to turn up in the library. They're all copyright at various times from the 23rd century, for some reason. I just enjoy them and don't worry about it. They're quite fun!"

"Well, it sounds like a good idea to keep our Captain safely occupied for a couple of hours. But maybe, as a precaution, we should strap him in his seat. Tell him it's part of the experience."

"Hmm. Possibly. I'll think about it. Ah! There he is. Jack!" Jack was standing at the doors of the wine cellar, tipping the last rum bottle to his lips. He turned to look at them, rather guiltily.

"Ah. Sorry, mate. I just had to see what this place was really like, see...hic! And...hic!" He was weaving again. Yep. Drunk as a lord. They would be staying in the cinema with him and using the seat belts! And never mind the ice cream, Jack was getting strong coffee and lots of it!

There was something the Doctor had to know. "Just as a matter of interest, Captain, how did you get into the wine cellar? It's locked and I still have the only key." He produced it from his pocket and looked at Jack. Jack reached into his own pocket and pulled out a key.

"Skeleton key, mate! Never leave home without it. Opens 90% of the world's locks. Useful little thing, ain't it?" He grinned, drunkenly.

The Doctor was baffled. "How did you...? Your old clothes were disposed of."

"Took it out first and hid it, didn't I? Old Jack's never without his trusty skeleton key, now is he, mate? Savvy?" Jack weaved at them and winked.

"I savvy." The Doctor was going to have a nice long talk with the TARDIS after they'd found Jack's ship and dropped him off. But right now, they needed to get him to the cinema.

"Jack?"

"What is it, mate?"

"I'd like to introduce you to the wonderful world of films." The Doctor and Grace both beamed at him. He looked at them a little warily.

"The what?"

"Films. Moving pictures. Trust me, you'll love them!" The Doctor and Grace advanced on Jack. He started to back away. Straight into the wine cellar doors. Cornered. Nowhere to go. During a moment of distraction, the Doctor removed the rum bottle from Jack. He hardly noticed, being so close to Grace, who was holding his other arm. He started leering at her.

"Will you be with me to this "film whatchermacallit", love?"

"I don't seem to have much choice. But as you'll be "occupied", Captain, I should survive the experience." Grace gave him a somewhat enigmatic look. He looked dazed. He wasn't sure about this film thing.

"In you go, Captain!" The Doctor waved him into the cinema. Jack gazed open-mouthed at the rococo design of the vast room. There was a huge flat wall at one end, covered in some strange material and dozens of upholstered seats. Grace and the Doctor led him through to seats somewhere in the middle of the room.

The Doctor called out, "Lights!" The lights dimmed. Jack jumped, then started squirming whilst the Doctor fastened a seat belt round him. Grace and the Doctor also wore seat belts. Jack stared at the Doctor, curiously.

"Safety measure." The Doctor said, mysteriously. He gave no further information, but called out again.

"Black coffee for our guest." A travel mug of coffee appeared in the cup holder at Jack's seat! He gaped! The Doctor grinned. "She has so many talents." He picked up his own mysteriously arrived mug of tea and sipped. Grace had a similar mug by her seat. The Doctor suddenly bellowed, "ROLL FILM!" He frightened the bejeebers out of Jack, who was frantically squirming in his seat, trying to get out. What was this film thing, anyhow? Jack wasn't sure he wanted to know. Then loud music started and Jack jumped and whirled trying to find the source. Then pictures that were actually moving by themselves appeared on the flat wall with the fancy material! The Doctor nudged him, "Here. You need to wear these." He put the weirdest spectacles on Jack that Jack had ever seen! One side was blue and one was red. Grace and the Doctor also wore them. "Now, watch!" The Doctor instructed.

Jack watched and cringed and screamed as it appeared things were coming at him from the fancy wall. He gave up on wondering where the sound was coming from. Soon though, he settled down and was glued to the screen. He even remembered to sip his coffee on occasion. At the end of the film, he was bug-eyed and speechless-almost. All he could get out was, "Whoah!" He shook his head and said again, "Whoah!" The Doctor noticed he had a somewhat uncomfortable look about him. A somewhat *physically* uncomfortable look. No wonder. Cool cinema. Hot coffee. The Doctor unfastened him and took him off to the nearest bathroom. "Ta, mate." Jack replied. The Doctor left him to it, but he stood by the room's outer door till Jack finished. He came out looking still dazed from his first film experience. The Doctor decided it was time Jack had a good rest. They took him to a bedroom, got him to sleep and wedged a chair under the door outside. They had to finish repairs if they were to get Jack back to his ship.

"Now," The Doctor said to the TARDIS, "could you please keep him in there till we finish? Then we'll babysit till he wakes, okay?" The Doctor had a feeling Jack would sleep for quite a while. Lights twinkled in answer. "Good." He and Grace got on with their interrupted repairs. Jack slept semi-soundly. He kept dreaming about the film and tossing fitfully, but he didn't wake. And he didn't sleepwalk.

********

A few hours later, after the repairs were successfully finished, and after the Doctor and Grace took it in turns to mind the door to Jack's room, they decided they'd better wake him. They walked into the room to find Jack on his stomach with his head at the foot of the bed and half off it. He was clutching the duvet with both hands. He looked as if he'd had a bad dream or two. The Doctor gently shook him awake.

"Wha? Whe? Huh?" He blinked awake for a bit, then turned over and went back to sleep. The Doctor shook him again. Same result. The Doctor now had a very determined look on his face. Grace inwardly groaned. The Doctor could be very dangerous when he was determined. He winked at Grace, removed his frock coat, and rolled up his sleeves.

"Drastic times." He said. Then he pounced. Poor Jack didn't know what hit him! The Doctor was a relentless and merciless tickler! Jack wriggled like crazy. He was awake. Oh boy, was he awake! And laughing.

"What the...?" He looked at Grace. "Is he always like that, love?"

Grace laughed. "Oh, yes!"

"You have some technique, mate." This had to be the single most bizarre experience Jack had ever been through. He was going to miss all this. The Doctor slowly stopped laughing himself.

"Thank you! I have been told I'm good with my hands." He grinned. Grace squeaked. Jack stared. The Doctor brought matters back to the practical. "How about some real food, Captain?"

"Splendid, mate!"

"Right then. One meal fit for a Captain coming up!" The Doctor made for the TARDIS kitchen. Grace took Jack to the butterfly room where the butterflies kept him occupied till the meal was ready.

********

It proved to be a surprisingly enjoyable meal. Jack Sparrow was actually quite a decent fellow when sober. He behaved in a perfectly gentlemanly manner to Grace. She was quite surprised and charmed. She asked him why, in all the time he was stranded on the island, he never bathed in the sea.

"Tried a few times, love. But, you see, the jellyfish and snapping turtles tend to put one off. Savvy?" He smiled and bit into a pear. He rarely had the kind of excellent food he was enjoying at this meal. He was going to miss it.

"I imagine they would. No inland pools, either, I suppose?"

"Never found any."

"Hmm. Well, that would make bathing difficult, I guess." She smiled.

Jack addressed the Doctor. "By the way, how does this thing work?"

The Doctor bristled a bit at having his beloved ship referred to as a "thing", but gave Jack a thorough explanation, which Jack understood about a tenth of. Still, he said, "Ta, Doctor!", finally using the Doctor's name. He'd called him nothing but, "mate" throughout the whole time he'd been in the TARDIS. Jack would never forget this adventure-or so he thought. The TARDIS would alter his memory, of course, but he would never know. He would just remember that he'd been rescued by a man and a woman in a blue boat. The Doctor also answered many of Jack's other questions.

********

Later, while the Doctor and the TARDIS were locating Jack's ship, Grace took Jack to the TARDIS library. He was thoroughly fascinated by all the seafaring books available and so kept quite busy till the Doctor came in to announce that he had located Jack's ship.

"Yeah, that's her." Jack stared. His ship was anchored in a cove by an unknown island. She looked deserted, but in fairly good condition. But he was dismayed to see that her name had been scratched out and she'd been renamed, "The Revenge". Argh! Jack was not happy about that. Obviously.

"How do we get her back?" He asked, simply.

"Shouldn't be too difficult." The Doctor replied. "Sensors indicate there's no one on board. We can just land on her and we'll help you get her away."

That's what they started to do. But just as they hauled up the anchor, the thieves returned. They were soon pursued by at least a hundred pirates. Very angry pirates with cutlasses. As Jack and company frantically started to get the ship moving and out of harm's way, a few of the pirates made it on board. Battle ensued. Even Grace took a hand in it and surprised herself and everyone else by doing quite well with a cutlass! But her best and most effective defence involved her knees. She found herself dispatching quite a few of her adversaries with that technique! The adversaries gave it up and fled. Cutlasses they could handle, but hell hath no fury like a woman with sharp knees! The Doctor laughed and quipped, "Ah, the woman's touch! Very effective!" Jack looked at her with new admiration! Grace just grinned.

********

Soon they were back in the TARDIS. Jack wanted one last look round. The Doctor had let him keep a particularly good chart of the Caribbean. The Doctor was about to present Jack with a couple of bottles of rum, now that the TARDIS had surreptitiously returned the trolley to the wine cellar. But then he noticed the basket on the console. It contained a couple of bottles of the best rum in the cellar. The Doctor smiled.

"Here you go, Captain! A little parting gift."

"Aww. Ta, mate! I said it before and I'll say it again. You're a real prince, mate. A real prince!" He shook the Doctor's hand and gave Grace a quick peck on the cheek.

"Bye, love! You know, I could use a lass like you on my ship. How 'bout it, love?"

"Tempting, but, no thank you. I've got my ship and my captain." She smiled at the Doctor.

"Oh, right. Pity. We could have been great together." He smiled, rather sadly.

They walked him out to the wheel of his ship and then left. Hovering in the vortex, they watched him working at the prow for a while, then sail away, happily back in his own ship, now renamed, "The Velvet Swan", after his lost love and his new friend, the Doctor. He didn't forget his other new friend, Grace, either. The figurehead now had hair the same colour as Grace's.

*******

Back in the TARDIS, Grace remarked, "That was an experience, wasn't it, Doctor?"

"Yes, it was. A rare experience." He smiled, then looked up, addressing the TARDIS.

"Now. You..."

The End


End file.
